A Story for Today

The subject of today's lesson is of a very sensitive nature.

  King David had many children. Amnon was David's firstborn son, born to his wife,   Ahinoam of Jezreel. Absolam and Tamar were brother and sister. They were born to  David's wife, Maacah, daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur. Amnon was half-brother to Absolam and Tamar.

King David was a 'man after God's own heart'. He was a key chosen ancestor of Jesus Christ.  But David's family was what we call dysfunctional, to say the least. We are going to explore one particular incident that happened to Tamar.

2 Samuel 13:1-22  Paraphrase

Tamar was a beautiful young virgin living in her father's home.
Amnon was love sick over his half-sister, Tamar.

It was not proper for Amnon to be with Tamar.

Jonadab was a 'friend' of Amnon. Jonadab was the son of Shimeah, David's brother.  They were cousins.  Jonadab was a crafty man. He was sneaky and devious.

Jonadab saw Amnon losing weight and getting thinner. He said to Amnon, "You are the king's son. Tell me, will you, why are you wasting away?"  Amnon confessed, "Tamar is Absolam's sister and I love her."

Jonadab cooked up a plan. He told Amnon to lie on his bed and when his father, David,  noticed he was not where he was supposed to be, he would come to check on him.  "When David comes to check on you, tell him you are sick. Ask him if Tamar could come and fix some food at your bedside where you can watch. Then tell Tamar that you are so weak that it would be better if she could feed you."

Amnon lay down on his bed and did as Jonadab suggested.

David sent word to Tamar to do just as Amnon asked.

So, Tamar went to Amnon's house and she took out the flour and kneaded it; and made cakes in his sight and baked them.

A woman working in the kitchen is sensuous to a man. She was thin with long dark hair and she was very beautiful. The lust in his heart increased.

When the cakes were baked she took the pan and served them to Amnon. But Amnon would not eat them.

This situation would have caused concern to Tamar… Amnon asked her to come to his house. She came. He asked her to cook for him and she did. Now, he will not eat what she cooked. What is happening here?

Amnon said, "Have everyone go away." And they all left.

This is not a good thing. Tamar is worried that her brother is so sick that he cannot  eat in front of the group.                  But we know Amnon has evil in his heart.

Amnon said, "Come to my bedroom and feed me."

Tamar is really concerned now for his health. He has never been so sick before so that he needed to be fed…..  She is clueless of what he is thinking.  So Tamar takes the cakes into Amnon's bedroom to feed him.

Now when Tamar came into Amnon's bedroom with the cakes he took hold of her hand and said, "Come lay with me, my sister."

This is the first she has a clue that he has more on his mind than the evening meal. He hold's on tightly.  There is no one there to protect her. She is alone. If only she could have at least known that God was with her.

Tamar said, "No, my brother, do not force me. For no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing. I could not bear the shame. And you would be as one of the wanton fools in Israel. Just talk to, the king. Tell the king that you want to marry me and he will give me to you. I will come and be your wife. It will be only a short time and I can be with you whenever you want.

Absolam is so wrong. They are not married She is a virgin. It is lust and not love. Tamar has said NQ!!!! Why won’t he listen to her?

But he would not hear her. He was stronger than she. "Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!"  ……..And then he hated her……. More than he loved her before.     Amnon said. "Get out….. Leave me."

Can you imagine how Tamar felt?  Tamar said. "No way. This is worse than the first thing you did to me."  

She is in tears end disheveled.

Amnon called a servant who attended him. He said, "Put her out and bolt the door behind her." So she gathered up her robe of many colors. It was for the daughters of the king who were virgins. The servant put her out of the house and bolted the door.

Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her robe of many colors and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly.

She did not hide what was done to her. She went out into the street. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her robe because she was shamed.   Not only once for the first thing but twice when Amnon put her out of the house. And she was in mourning for the loss of her life as she knew it and for her future. She has lost so much. Where can she go? She could not go back to the palace where the virgins live. She was defiled.  Where could she live? Who would take care of her now? In her country women who were not married were not able to earn a living to sustain themselves.  If they did not have a father or a husband to look after them they were outcasts from society. 

Absolam saw Tamar as she sat in sackcloth and ashes and crying bitterly. "What happened?"  She told him everything.

"It's OK my sister. Hold your peace. Be still. He's your brother. Do not take this to heart. It is not as bad as you are making it out to be. You will be alright," he counseled her.

What kind of advice is that? Absolam doesn't understand how badly she felt? He didn't know the shame she felt. He didn’t understand how this has changed her life. .He didn't see how the dreams of a young girl were dashed upon the rocks. He didn’t know how she had dreamt of having a wonderful husband, a home of her own and children at her feet. He didn't know how this is all gone now - totally gone forever.

No one would want her since she is not a virgin. She would not be able to walk outside the house except that people would point and say she is impure. Others would say she brought it on herself by the way she dressed, walked and talked.  She would never be able to sit at her father's table again in fine clothes like her sisters.

This isn't what was supposed to happen. "All I was doing was taking care of my sick brother just like my father asked me to. And look what he did to me? I said 'NO' but he wouldn’t listen. I tried to get away but he wouldn't let me go. Now I sit by myself alone forever at my brother's house. There will be no husband for me. There will be no children for me to cuddle, teach and love. My life is over. "

So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absolam's house.

When King David heard of all these things he became angry. Very Angry.

But did he do anything about it? No… Sometimes when we have committed similar sins as David did with Bathsheba we are unable to deal with that kind of sin in other people's lives. Especially when the people are close to us. If David had stood up for Tamar maybe things would have been different for her.

Absolam went to Amnon and talked to him. Not good or bad. But Absolam hated Amnon for what he did to Tamar, his sister.

The hatred was deep and strong. He won’t deal with him now. Sometime later. .. perhaps.

What about Amnon? Was he shamed? Doesn't look like it. Kind of looks like he is going to get away with it all.

But does he?

It was not Tamar's fault. The shame is not hers to bear.

Well, I said this is a story for today. This still happens today. Sometimes it is uncle or father or neighbor or baby sitter. Sometimes it is boys instead of girls who are hurt.

Mom, Dad, if one of your kids comes to you with a story like this don't just brush it off like David and Absolam did. Check it out. Search for the truth and when you find it stand up for the child. Take the child to a trained professional s0 they may put it all in perspective and release the emotion from the event and from their life.
Help them to forgive. Make sure they have Jesus in their heart. Jesus will help them heal from all of this. There are Christian counselors in every county.

If you are one in three who has had this or a similar experience…. there is hope. You must know it isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. You can rise above your devastation. You can leave it behind. You can forgive. If Jesus helped others He will help you. Please call someone and talk to them about your pain. Bring your shame out into the open.  Healing can begin when you tell someone what happened. If you have been threatened go to a safe place in your community. Talk to a friend or to a Pastor or counselor. You may call me. 239·282-2013

In the midst of pain remember: Hebrews 13:5 For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you."

 In the midst of trying to rid yourself of the pain remember  Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

 In all things and in all days remember: Psalm 91:1-5 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him will I trust." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night. Nor the arrow that flies by day.