Hope for the Divorced

Dog Dung, Pond Scum, Slime, The Shame of it all, The Guilt of a failed marriage ... 29 years and I couldn't hold it together any more. Guilt of I'm too fat. I didn't dance enough. I didn’t  laugh enough. I didn't keep my house clean enough. I didn't play enough. I played too much. I didn't do enough. I did too much. I traveled too much. I didn't love enough. I loved too much. He said he was trapped into the marriage.  

When you are one of only 3% of the family and extended family that has experienced divorce and you have come up in church families that teach by example that divorced people are second class citizens, the shame is embedded deeply in your person. It is so deep that after four years of Divorce Care and very loving and supportive family and friends that tell you  you are OK. .. you still can't believe it. The love never gets to the core of the pain, guilt, and shame.

When serving your God is preeminent in your heart and soul and because of the divorce you are told 'you may not serve in our group ' ... you die a little more. Some say if you remarry you will be an adulteress and will make him an adulterer. Others look at you and your marital status of divorced and stand in front of their husbands. (Like I would really look at him and vie for his time and attention.)

It has been four years and four months since the end of my marriage. I have written journals describing the pain, shame, humiliation, and guilt of divorce in an attempt to release the pain from my life. The rejection of the only man I have ever known is ever present in my heart. We met when I was 14 years old. We were high school sweethearts. We graduated from the same high school in 1965. He helped me through nurses training and we reared four sons together. 29 years.... Then divorce.

Small amounts of comfort came as I begged for forgiveness from God. I knew My God cared for me. He catches my tears in a bottle (my bottle is gigantic). My family and friends have supported me. My body supported me too. I have gained 50 pounds since June 1996. And the shame is still there. It is like I wear a great big black letter D embroidered on my clothes. Tears fall easily even now. The anger is still easily felt.

But this week my abundant tears of sorrow have turned to joy. Thanks to a series of events, Bill and Susan Loader were in our church a month or so ago. I expressed my pain to him and he sent me portions of a book on divorce.

Look up Jeremiah 3 and do the 5 W's and an H (inductive Bible study) on it. Jeremiah is not a bullfrog. He is an Old Testament prophet right after Isaiah and he is a friend of mine. The 5 W's and H are Who, What, Where, When, Why and How.

            Note especially Jer. 3:8  “And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce;"   The study ....

            Who? ...... God ............................. What did He do? ....... Put her away

            What else did He do? ..... GAVE her a BILL of Divorce!!!

Who did He give it to? .. .Israel

            Why did He give a bill of divorce? ...... because of her adulteries.

DO YOU SEE what that means????? God has experienced divorced!!! He did all He could to win her back. He gave. He begged. He loved. But she continued to play the harlot along with her sister  Judah………….

God hates divorce as He says in Malachi 2:16. He hates the sin that brings about the divorce. He hates the pain of divorce. He hates the long term effects of divorce, especially on the children. But He has provided guidelines for the possibility of divorce.

The process of divorce is regulated. It is not to be quick and easy. Matthew 18 is to be employed to resolve conflict. Counsel is to be sought… After all is attempted to resolve conflicts then divorce may be sought on certain grounds.

1 am divorced but I will not be put on a shelf and shunned. I now allow all that deep dark pain and hurt to leave. I know my God understands my pain. When I think I am shame I also think  "If I am shame then so is God.  And because He is not, therefore I am not. "

I no longer see myself as dog dung, pond scum, slime. I now take my rightful place in the walk of life as a "child of the King. "

Because of His Word. .. .I am set free. And who He sets free is free indeed.
I now stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made me free.

In Deuteronomy 30:19 God says, "I set before you life and death. ... choose life."  I choose life.

             The chains of bondage of divorce have been broken from my life. I praise Him!!!      

The above was written a few years ago and I continue to refer to it and give it to friends and family for their help and edification.  Feel free to send your friends and family to this to help them.